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Gene Wilder, we loved your wild-eyed fervor as Dr. Franken-steen in Young Frankenstein. We snickered at your sadistic glee as you dispatched spoiled brats in Willy Wonka... We loved your naive bumbling in the original version of The Producers. We shook our heads and laughed in spite of ourselves as you tried to pass for black while carrying a ghetto blaster alongside Richard Pryor in Silver Streak. We cringed at what you might do to that sheep in Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex... We all mourned with you when you lost your wife, the beloved comedienne, Gilda Radner. And, we know you have a talent for writing. You co-wrote Young Frankenstein with Mel Brooks. Your screenplay was nominated for an Oscar. What Im saying here is that, dude, we like you. You brought joy to millions. Its hard for us to say a bad word about you. And now youve written this novel, My French Whore. It has an irresistible title, a lovely cover, and nice reviews on the back from Publishers Weekly and Kirkus Reviews and your old pal Mel Brooks himself. Reading it, I can see you playing the protagonist Paul Peachy in every scene. I can imagine this on the screen, and you fumbling around as the World War I coward who, through the fates of crazy circumstance, becomes mistaken for a notorious German spy and who finds himself feted in the highest circles of the Kaisers military command and the champagne milieu of the teutonic aristocracy. And see you as the sensitive everyman hidden underneath the disguise, finding the beauty and the closely guarded secrets of an irresistible French prostitute who does what she does not for money but for the sake of her sanity. Gene, its a lovely conceit, a little wisp of souffle. You make as good a go at wistfulness and elegance as you can. But reading it, I felt like almost all of it was a cobbling of cliches from every service comedy, every espionage spoof, and every bittersweet romantic comedy Ive ever encountered. There are great books about lovely, tragic European romances in military settings, but theyve already been written by great writers such as Arthur Schnitzler. And, Mr. Wilder, you seem to have regurgitated bits left in your grey matter from movies such as To Be or Not to Be or I Was Montys Double, movie classics in which bumbling actors manage to deftly pull off subterfuge by playing in the enemys court. Your writing is penny plain, the comedy is embarrassing in its obviousness, the situations are stale and recycled. The motivation for your protagonist, Peachy, leaving his wife and making such a drastic move as joining the army is summed up in one insufficient sentence ...the romantic part of our relationship seemed to have faded away. I find anachronism in using a contemporary word such as relationship in a book that is ostensibly meant to be a contemporaneous first-person telling of a story from the World War I era. And why do I keep remembering the wife that was left behind on page 2, even though she ceases to be part of the story? That part left me hanging. This book, to say the least, is slight in the extreme. The paper the words are printed on can barely feel the ink. The Kirkus Reviews calls it slender, nimble and satisfying. I call it a bubbly without the bubbles, a bittersweet comedy without a chuckle, a Gallic truffle dried up and wrinkled. Gene, big guy, we trusted you on this one, but its OK, youre only human. A lot of people arent great writers. And some of the ones who are great writers slave in obscurity but dont get published because their names are Joe Smith and Ulak Buttorf, and not Gene Wilder. So folks, go elsewhere. Or better yet, rent Young Frankenstein or Stir Crazy or Willy Wonka and enjoy the real talent to be enjoyed from this maniacal, wild-haired artist.

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